What a Strange Feeling…

I have to confess. The reason I’ve not been writing here on my blog is more than just not having/finding/making the time to… After staying so long without writing, I started thinking that I’ve kind of lost… my edge. I tried writing these last couple of months, but it just didn’t come out right. It didn’t sound at all like me.

But today someone inspired me to come back to it (thank you Yuli). But before I continue telling you about my journey ‘In the Last 5 Months (well, 7 now)’, I want to share an experience I had this year. Sorry in advance if the post is too long, please bear with me :)

You know, I’ve never been the mother type of woman; I’ve always been more of a big sister type of person. Never really dreamed of having kids, of holding my own baby in my arms (although I love holding other people’s babies hehehe) and having a little person calling me ‘mom’.

But something happened this summer…

I had the chance to work really closely with a group of youths from the YPG here in Houston. As I mentioned on my previous post, we were working on a Play I had written and now had to direct. We had to meet every week, once a week, sometimes more and so I had the chance to talk to them a lot, really get to know them. Their hurt, their disappointments, their dreams, their goals in life; and as I did, something deep inside me started to change… I started having a strange feeling, quite unknown to me.

In the beginning I thought it was just excitement to get the project completed, but after all these months I can say it was so much more than that.

Every time we met, I began to realize how much it mattered to me that they smiled, that they were happy. And if they didn’t smile, why didn’t they? Were they going through problems? How were they doing in school? Had they eaten? Did they have friends? A family who loved them? Did they know how talented they were? How beautiful? Did people tell them that? Did they know how important they were?

Why were these things so important to me all of a sudden? Why did it matter so much?

It mattered because while all the meetings and rehearsals were going on; while we struggled to get everything perfect; while we laughed and shared our experiences; while they made new friends and new memories, something inside of me changed, softened…

I started seeing people very differently since then. I guess I care more, much more in a more ‘personal’ way. It’s almost as if I became more aware of the people around me. I want to help them, add to their lives somehow, even if it’s just by complimenting them or recognizing how hard they work or by something as simple as just smiling at them.

Maybe this is something very simple to you, very familiar. Something you’ve done all your life. But maybe you are just like me 7 months ago, not selfish, but not so concerned about the small things, the details in a person’s life that matter so much to them. Maybe just like me, you were blind to all the little things that make the people around you, the people you love, who they are.

What about your little sister? Have you ever told her how good she is in certain things? Or asked your brother if he's eaten all day?

How about your mother? Have you ever told her how beautiful she is? Or your dad how much you appreciate all his hard work?

Have you stopped to think that maybe that person in your work place that always seem to be in a bad mood, is actually lonely and would just love to have someone to talk to, to listen to them?

Have you ever showed your friend how happy you are to have someone like her in your life? That she makes it better?

What I’m trying to say is, you don’t need to be a mother, or old enough, or experienced enough, have time enough or be ‘good’ enough to care about someone.

It’s in the little things that you start a change. It’s in the small things that you start making a difference.

It’s through these little details, the ones people usually don’t pay attention to, that you can really change someone’s life.

And you know what? By doing these ‘insignificant’ things that you start changing your life as well.

That group of people certainly did it for me. They changed something deep within me. They don’t know, but while they talked and worked and laughed and shared their lives and problems with me, I became what I never dreamed of:

I became a mom… well, sort of ;)