I’m afraid to write.
Yes, that’s right. I am afraid to write, and even though this is not my first official confession, I thought I should get it out of the way.
I love writing and at the same time, I’m dead scared of doing it. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I know what I like to read and won’t accept to write anything less than what I would expect to read somewhere else.
Maybe it’s because I don’t know the reaction people will have when they read whatever I write, or maybe it has to do with the many other confessions I’ll be making here in the blog. I don’t know.
A lot of people who don’t know me personally, who only know me through this blog, social networks or even by just seeing me in meetings or church, might have the mistaken idea that I have it all together, that my life is wonderful, that I barely make mistakes or that I am very wise (I don’t know if anyone really thinks that but just in case lol).
Well just like in the movies I write about, the reality couldn’t be further from the truth and that’s why I’ve decided to start these series here in my blog.
I find that it’s easier for me to learn something through a person’s experience. For example, if a friend talks about all her achievements in life and how her life is so different and better from what it was once, I will celebrate and be happy for her and that will end there. But if she tells me her struggles, how hard it was for her, the times she didn’t get it right, I assure you, she will have my undivided attention because that’s the reality of things. That’s what I relate to.
Isn’t that why most people love to watch movies based on true stories? People want something real, something more than just a beautiful, moving story. They want something they can use in their own lives.
I know I’m not perfect and though I truly wish that was the case, I know I don’t get things right a lot of the times. I’ve made many mistakes, I’ve decided wrong many times, I have stood still when I was supposed to get moving and I moved when I was supposed to have done nothing. I’ve had wonderful days and I’ve had evil, dark days. And by sharing my experiences with you, I hope that you may learn something, anything that you can use for your own life.
It’s impossible to talk about the things I learned without talking about the people who taught them to me, so yes, I will be talking about some of my friends (they don’t know hehehe).
But going back to the beginning, I am afraid to write. To this day, I have written 4 plays, a book and numerous blog posts and I still get butterflies in my stomach every time I know I have to write. Do I feel bad? Shouldn’t I be over this fear already? Yes and yes, but that’s not what matters. What matters is that I write regardless of how I feel. I overcome my fear every time I sit in front of my computer and start typing.
That’s how you overcome fear. Even though 90% of you say you can’t, that you are just not capable, you do it anyway. You don’t wait to feel brave. You act brave and you will soon find out you don’t need to feel anything. You just need to believe.
So stay tuned for my first real Confession next Tuesday. I call that episode in my life: “The kiss of Revelation” O_o
So see you next Tuesday ;)
* In “Kiss of Revelation” I’ll be talking about a friend of mine who without knowing, played a huge part in the start of my change. And although I can’t say her name yet, I think some of you may know her. So here goes a clue… she is beautiful, has long black hair, has a blog of her own and was in one of my recent Instagram pictures. Can you guess who it is?