Colombiana

This is the story of a woman who witnessed the murder of her parents when she was a little girl. Her father had crooked business with a crook in Colombia and after some business that you don’t really understand in the beginning, her father’s ‘boss’ comes after him and kills him and his wife but is not able to kill her, because she escapes.

And here’s where the movie started stinking for me.

Cataleya (the girl we are talking about here, played by Zoe Saldana) couldn’t have been more than 10 years old, but she manages to escape a gang of armed and trained men. She is very clever and finds a way to get to the United States and although she had never been there before, she easily finds her way to her relatives’ house… Come on! I know that movies are fictional, but they have make up better stories than that!

Upon arriving at her uncle’s house, she says she doesn’t want to study, she wants to become an assassin, because… you guessed it, she wanted to avenge her parents’ death.

From then on, the whole movie is very predictable.

She grows up, becomes this super woman who fights and kills all the bad guys who cross her path, and on she goes with her vengeance. She lives her whole life to get revenge and all her efforts are not able to make her happy. This is what happens when you seek revenge; you may even succeed but it doesn’t make anything right, it doesn’t fix things, it doesn’t bring you peace or makes you happy.

But going back to the movie, all I can say is that you don’t really need to watch until the end to know what happens. And if you don’t need to watch it until the end, you don’t need to watch it at all.

I do not recommend it :(


Don't forget to vote for next Friday's movie review.

Immortals

I hope you have been enjoying all the movie reviews I post here 

I really enjoy talking about the movies I watch and one other thing I like to do is reading. I really like the written word, sometimes more than watching movies and so I wanted to let you know that I will very soon be posting about the books I read.

Now back to this week’s movie review.

What can I say about Immortals?

Maybe the best thing I could say is, DON’T WATCH IT! The best way to describe the whole movie is CONFUSING.

When you see the trailer, you see the guy finding a bow, right? And then you think, ‘this guy was chosen and now he has found a source of power’. But you are wrong if you though that… He only uses the bow once in the whole entire movie, so it’s not about the power of the bow.

Another impression you might have upon watching the trailer is that amidst all the fight, the guy finds the love of his life… nope. He has a night’s stand with the girl but he doesn’t love her (which is very unusual nowadays right?) and the girl does not love him (again, very unusual nowadays for people to sleep with each other and not have any feelings for them, isn’t that true?).

Then you think it’s about divine powers… no.

About the guy making any kind of difference in the world perhaps? Not really.

About overcoming your battles? Umm… I don’t think so.

So, what is this movie about? Who knows!! I certainly don’t!

It’s one different story after the other. One time the guy he is fighting, another he hates the other guy, then he has his ‘time’ with he girl, then he is commanding an army… The stories have neither beginnings nor ends. It’s quite tiresome, I must say, even for people like me who like the 300 kind of movie.

There is a lot of blood everywhere, heads been smashed every five minutes, people being cooked to their deaths inside a silver bull (yeah, I know)… Let’s just say that this movie is REALLY R rated.

Do not recommend it at all.

Incepted Saga Finale - Friends with Benefits

Please read the title of this post again...

Now, do I really need to say anything else about this movie?

No, but I'll say it any way.

If you are smart, you will not even want to watch this movie. I didn't and never will. Why would I want to pour pure garbage in my brain? Why would you??!!!!!

Anyone who tells you that you can have casual sex with your friend, not have any strings attached, not be emotionally attached, not have any kind of commitment, give yourself to whoever will have you and still go about your life as if nothing happened is sick, and does not deserve your attention. If you have friends who would do that, then perhaps you should consider getting yourself new friends.

I tell you, this movie makes me want to throw up!

It's such garbage!!! I cannot stand talking any more about it!

Once and for all, THINK. OR SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO IT FOR YOU... like these guys who produced this disgusting movie!

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

This is one of the things I have in common with my husband, I really enjoy watching super-hero movies or graphic novels made into movies, or anything of the sort. If any super-hero kind of movie comes out in the theaters, there we go watch it. However, when the third installment of the Transformers came out, I couldn’t go and so I had to wait for the DVD to be released, which happened last week here in Houston.

If you are also into these kind of movies and are thinking of watching this one, you should watch the first and second Transformers so you can really understand where the whole story is coming from and also understand how thankful I am for not spending 10 bucks to see it in the theaters.

The movie starts by showing a girl going up the stairs of her house with a white bunny in her hand and wearing what seemed to be a man’s shirt and nothing but underwear on the bottom. Yeah, you can see a little of the girl’s butt… So, these are my thoughts right in the beginning of the movie: ‘Excuse me, I’m here to see robots or whatever it is that the Autobots are and NOT half naked girls! What does it have to do with the whole plot?’ Well, later on I find out the answer: NOTHING!

The character replacing the one Megan Fox used to portray seems to have been put there just to decorate the movie, it adds nothing to the plot or to your entertainment. She’s just there. And you know what they say, if it doesn’t add, it certainly takes away… at least that’s what they say in my country…

Shia’s character, Sam, is portrayed as a weak, unintelligent and uninteresting person, whose only mission in life now seems to be to make sure he stays with his girlfriend aka the girl with the butt showing in the beginning.

The whole plot is very weak, repetitive, confusing, predictable… which is very odd compared to the first Transformers. If you watched the first one, you might agree with me that the whole robot-could-turn-into-any-eletronic-and-cars-thing seemed to make a lot more sense then. The fact that Sam was just an ordinary guy, who didn’t fit with the other guys in school and could never do anything to impress the girl he liked, but who at the same time was chosen to do something very important, made the whole movie worth watching.

I can’t say the same about this last one. The second one wasn’t as nice as the first but it was still ok, but the third one? They failed miserably at it. Sure the Autobots fight quite a lot and there are lots explosions and things breaking everywhere, but I must say that although I do like to watch the fights and the action, I prefer movies with interesting plots and this one DOES NOT HAVE IT.

So, are you thinking of renting a movie to watch this weekend? Skip Transformers – Dark of the moon and choose The Lincoln Lawyer instead. Here’s a great movie! I will be writing about it on my next review. Come back soon so I can tell you more.

Contagion

When I saw the trailer I thought it was just another movie about a virus, where a lot of people die, the whole world is at the point of extinction... will they find a cure, will they not find a cure, blah blah blah... 

And guess what? I was right, that's exactly it! I just described the whole movie to you! 

You see these great actors, the scary trailer and you think they must have come up with something different, but no, they just cast the famous actors to get you to watch their ridiculous movie. 

So to summarize, this is what I have to say about Contagion: 

Great cast, non-existent plot, pointless movie, waste of time and money. 

Do I need to tell you NOT to watch it?

Tron: Legacy

I know, I know... I put on my sidebar that I want to watch Narnia, but here I am talking about Tron. Sorry! The plan was to watch Narnia first and then Tron, but the circumstances changed, so here we go...

The first time I watched the trailer, I have to admit, I was impressed. Like I said, I am very much into the action stuff, so when I saw the effects, the motorcycles and the music, I thought 'This movie will be fantastic!'

So, last Monday, there I go to the cinemas with my husband and a couple of friends from the YPG. We were very excited, especially because we were going to watch Tron on IMAX. Big screen, incredible sound system... this was going to be a good experience!

The excitement died a little bit when we got to the auditorium. It was packed and we had to sit on the right hand side of the second row. As soon as the trailers started we were all crossed eyed because of the 3D glasses and simply because we were too close to big screen.

Anyway, the movie started and my immediate impression is that the movie was going to be awesome, the first scenes are very good! However, 30 minutes later I began to wonder, 'where is the story going? Where is the plot? Ok, is there anything else? Is anything else going to happen here?'

The answer is NO! The movie had no plot whatsoever, no story, no sense, no point! What the guy does at the end, he could have done in the very beginning!! He didn't change anything, didn't accomplish anything really. Up to now, I don't know where they wanted to go with the story... Was Sam supposed to reconcile with his father? Was he supposed to find himself? Find a purpose for his life?

Who knows??!

The whole movie seems like a video game, the dramatic music is good, the effects are impressive, but that's it. There is nothing more to it really.

So, my advice to those who are planning to watch Tron: Legacy is this:

Don't waste your time or money! Go watch Narnia instead.

If the first two are any indication, this third one is sure to be an incredible movie. That's the next review I'll be posting here, so make sure to watch this space next week!